So you run into an old friend you haven’t seen for a while on your lunch break at work. You make small talk but the general gist of the conversation goes something like this:
Friend: “Hey, haven’t seen you for ages. How’ve you been?”
You: “Yeah, been good. Same old, busy. You know how it is.”
Friend: “Yeah I know all about that. Work’s so crazy at the moment;- I never get a moment to myself.
Great chat.
When did we become a society so hell bent on “being busy”? If we’re not at work, we’re doing work at home, and if we’re not doing that, we’re thinking about all the work we still have to get done. We’re human beings, not human doings, yet we always seem to have to be doing something.
And it’s not to say that there’s something inherently wrong with being busy. We need to have goals and aspirations;, be working towards achieving them, and striving to create a beautiful life for ourselves and those dear to us. It gives us a sense of purpose and direction, and helps us feel empowered.
Nothing Can Be Everything
But let’s find a way to do all these things, and still have time to do… wait for it.… nothing. Do nothing on your own, do nothing with your significant other, do nothing with your friends and family. When was the last time you stopped to just be? Went for picnic or a long walk in nature? With no agenda other than to just appreciate the experience of being in that moment?
Meditation or yoga are great tools for this. Especially if you are someone who struggles to switch off. It’s a time for you to be still with your thoughts in a quiet space, or unwind from a hectic day. If you’ve dismissed yoga as a bit esoteric, once you connect your mind to the actual physical requirements of yoga, you’ll surprise yourself how you can focus on the nature of yourself in that space at time.
And sometimes it’s not even about doing nothing, rather it’s about allowing yourself real time to connect with yourself, or those close to you long enough to experience fulfillment on a deeper level.
In many Muslim cultures, when you want to ask them how they’re doing, you ask, in Arabic, Kayf haal-ik? or, in Persian, Haal-e shomaa chetoreh? How is your haal? Haal is the transient state of one’s heart. In essence, we ask, “How is your heart doing at this very moment, at this breath?” When I ask, “How are you?” that is really what I want to know. Not “how busy are you?”
Sadly it seems that modern society has barely given us the opportunity to grasp our own presence, let alone those around us. If someone asks us how we are, we’ll say “fine”, “good” or “ok”, no matter what is going on in our lives. Ask any 5 year old kid and they’ll tell you with surprising wisdom how dumb that is.
Social Media for Self-Worth
Advancement in technology has arguably meant regression in real human connection. With others and oneself. You may have 500 “friends” Facebook, but how many would you actually say hello to on the street? Or conversely, getting that little dopamine hit of self-worth when you get that Instagram like from a stranger. That’s not the way it’s supposed to be. Don’t let the fear of not being “enough” catapult you into a life that’s so busy that you don’t get to enjoy the simple things. Stop thinking that “busy” is some kind of badge of honour that needs to be worn to feel significant.
Instead, make meaningful connections. Call that friend you haven’t seen in a while. Lie on the couch after a long day and don’t feel guilty about it. Tell the people close to you that you love them. Often. Listen to the answer when someone asks how you are. Give a deeper answer to said question. Practice yoga or download that Headspace app you’ve been thinking about. Little things consistently will yield great change.
Of course, don’t stop putting in the hard yards to reach your goals and dreams. Just balance it out with enough downtime and proper human interaction to make you feel truly connected. That’s what this life is all about.
